A mind filled by the heart sees a world full of beauty and compassion.
Contents
. ignorance . intensity . indignity . iniquity
Ignorance
to fail to notice
to avoid understanding
to lack and to want
BEAUTIFUL MESS
Spirit coaches coax the self contained to
let yourself go and pour your heart
through this chaotic life and pay them for it
see a world from their eyes
you have yet to be seen
so you can hang your woes on their words
it’s not worth the temptation
to say you’re scared and miss out
on whatever it all is they say everything can be
remember I will be there
when you think you may fall
stand up for you
when you want to crawl
beneath the covers
do not you dare hide from a mess
as it likely ends up being the best thing
like exactly what happened to me
you see
because you are imagined to be another me
you become less of you and more as I see
your mind maybe light off
getting the permission you didn’t need
to tell that fucker you’re not so happy with him
ah, doll, what a beautiful mess
let it go
let it be
whatever those dungs sung before we
went ahead and let clothes pile
upon the floor
let the dishes stink up the sink
so long as the lock was fixed on the door
Ignore
the world of responsibility
to unlock your mind
with some time bending fungus
can reform you to
give less order to the beautiful mess
Nevermind your face red and swollen
my shoulder here for your eyes to run dry
my veins are roots of a plant
you can weep to feed, alright
see now, it’s just better to cry
your spiritual doula reminds you
what you want will find you much more appealing
when you forgoe your senses
toss them with the wind
and smell the traffic
the hot paved street
toward the life coach
giving you a place
what a beautiful mess
this temptress of control
has found your lost soul
to sell you on
a pyramid scheme
for a pink car you never wanted to drive anyway.
Indignity
to enact baseness
to conduct unworthiness
to impatiently dominate
BEAUTIFUL, IS A WORD
He called me beautiful
with a serpentine hiss
a lock hold in his eyes
held me beneath my human rights
wanting to be brazen
and hold back of mind what I knew
of a moment too soon to unfold
but I sighed
and said thank-you through my lips
and pulled my body away with my hips
and pleaded, I screamed so loud inside
and hoped he could hear
but later at night half asleep
I heard words through my pillow
shocked frozen I could not speak
a little louder my pulse beat
through my body (the echo beautiful)
vanity as broken mirror now
fractured my demeanour
such a relationship could never equate
the transcendence from soul to mate
as he used my soul as meat—
an aesthetic match everyone remarked
was simply striking out to me
since beauty requires no speech
just the appreciation upended by trust
striking commentary
between breaths of seasonal wind
unwavering,
songs with a rhythm
no mouth attached to a body
who can perform such a deed
can form the realness of a word
he was better off never saying.
BEAUTIFUL, IS RELATING
Slowing down doesn't lessen time
my friend, we need
something greater than perceiving reality
or inspiration whirlwinds
to battle desperation
formed by physical posturing
attempting to empty my head with limited computer time
amplified by stepping outside
every line of poetry rushing in
shrinks me back to paced dances
warped and bent time
I ran from facing
as a seeker of expansion
and a spectrum far away
and full of funny friends
but his dark sense of humour should have worried me further
than my brothers stateside
since how much real beauty
can be transpiring through
this kind of transactional relating.
© Mari Amman. All Rights Reserved.
Poetry, Prose &Suche VOL I.
First edition 2023, electronic distribution. Text and Images by Mari Amman.
The poems contained within this volume were drafted circa 2006-2009, in Chicago, USA, and edited during spring 2023 in Paris, France, with the enormous support of The Trélex Residency.
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